Hounds from hell

I am mentally preparing myself for a cordial showdown with the neighbours this weekend, if such a thing as a cordial showdown exists.

Ever since they’ve moved in across the road, we have been subjected to incessant, irritatingly ear-piercing barks from their two dogs: a miniature pinscher and a silky terrier. Now I love animals, dogs in particular, but these two freaks of nature will drive the most patient of people up the wall, if not drive them totally around-the-bend and over-the-edge insane. And I am not the most patient of people.

I’ve had it with the two monsters breaking out in a cacophony worthy of a whole horde of creatures taken to slaughter at the butchers. At the break of dawn, BEFORE the break of dawn, while I’m taking my afternoon nap, in the evenings when I have guests over or at night when I’m nice and snuggled up in bed. Initially I really did think that one of the neighbours had a switch flipped in their heads and they were doing the slaughtering of those confounded midgets. But it was only wishful thinking.

I’ve gone as far as to stomp up to their front gate and stare at the little bugger right in his bug eyes (the silky terrier was in a cage then) only to have him start jumping and lunging at me, frothing at the muzzle and ready for a fight. I yelled at him and threatened him. Little buster didn’t seem to understand that size and two opposable thumbs matter in cases like these. Finally I reached for the doorbell. The lights were on in their room but their car was not in front of the driveway. All this while the black terror is yapping his puny little head off and building up my annoyance to astronomical levels. My next-door neighbour walked over to check out the commotion and I’m more than delighted that he is just as, if not more irritated with the dogs and their owners than me. Ecstatic in fact, as he told me he’s been instigating and getting feedback from the rest of the neighbours to come up with a petition to ‘deal with’ the dogs and their owners. It would seem easier just to drop a note in their mailbox as they are never home.

It’s a good move, putting it in writing, with lots of signatures to boot. But I think I will lead off with a more direct approach of speaking with the owners first. It’s hard to keep a clear head about this as I’ve envisioned myself poisoning those dogs, running them over with my car, driving a stake through them oh, and joy of all joys, having their vocal chords cut off. Can you just imagine the looks on their pathetic little faces when they bark and all they hear is…shh…silence? Pure ecstasy.

Then I’d move on to the owners for not keeping their dogs indoors and not being home often enough to walk their dogs or lavish enough attention on them. And for shattering the serenity of our neighbourhood with their monstrosities on caffeine.

One more episode, I just need one more episode to tip me over the edge.