Week 2: Someone stole my mojo

...and crying, originally uploaded by Ashkarya.

Exercising her lungs and facial muscles...

One week later...

Screaming her lungs out, originally uploaded by Ashkarya.

The nurses in the peadiatric ward took this polaroid of Sophia for easy reference. She was admitted for a high level of jaundice. Her parental units schlepped back and forth to nurse her and to send her nightly supply of EBM (expressed breast milk). Total nights of stay: 3.

New Addition

New Addition, originally uploaded by Ashkarya.

Sophia Meiyin
DOB: 16 July 2007
Weight: 2.95kg
The reason I've been MIA.
This polaroid was fresh after her entry into the world.

For My Girl

I've struggled to come up with the appropriate words to convey a message to my soon-to-be-born daughter. I can't begin to explain how much strength, hope and inspiration I've drawn from her growing presence especially in these last few months. I can only hope that I'll be that pillar of strength for her and to give back what she's given me. Budding poet I am not, mediocre haiku dabbler I may be. So I'll let the meisters do the job for me, and they do it beautifully. Here's to my Sophia:

Let Your Love Be Strong

In this world of news, I've found nothing new
I've found nothing pure
Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume that truth
Could be fact and form
That love could be a verb
Maybe I'm just a little misinformed

As the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh
Let the trains watch over the tides and the mist
Spinning circles in our skies tonight
Let the trucks roll in from Los Angeles
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired

Let your love be strong, and I don't care what goes down
Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes
All of my world hanging on your love

Let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin
Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart
Train the monkeys on my back to fight
Let it start tonight
When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground
Falling down like broken satellites

All of my world resting on your love

Copyright © Switchfoot

Week 33

Placenta: praevia
Baby's weight: approx. 2kg
Baby's sex: definitely a girl

Well, looks like I've found the cause of my aching pelvis: the baby's head is doing battle with a low-lying placenta. My next appointment and scan is two weeks from now. Doc says by then, if the baby's head doesn't nudge the darned placenta out of the way, he'll schedule a C-section.

Weighing at approximately 2kg, she's a little on the small side. Other than that, she's as healthy as a little peach.

"Put on some weight for me," the doc says.

"I'm eating but I'm the one putting on, not the baby!" I protest.

Sigh...

It's out of my hands now. If the baby doesn't push her way through and engage by the next two weeks, I'm gonna have to go under the knife.

In the meantime, she actually looks quite cute on the scan. Not that I can make out much other than her squashed little nose and her huge (or to me it seems) head. Then again, don't most babies have squashed noses?

As if I haven't Bought Enough Baby Stuff

A friend insisted we go baby shopping today. I must say that shopping with someone who's given birth before is so much more fun than going on my own. Lots of advice and tips were given out while we looked for essentials. Here's what I ended up with:


1. Bottle warmer. Great for night feeds when you're too tired to mix in the formula with hot and/or cold water. "Just keep some water in the bottle, make sure it's warm, add in the formula, shake it and your baby's ready to go. It's worth the investment because you can use it until they're two or so."


2. Pacifier. "We tried not using it at all and then not too often. But you never know when you need it."


3. Compartmentalised formula container. "Just pour the formula into the warmed bottle and you're done!"


4. Rubberised baby change mat. "You need this because you never know if or when the baby's gonna pee when you change him/her." Yikes.


5. Non-slip baby mat for tub. "Useful because it helps to keep the baby in position in the tub."


6. Talc container with puff. Self-explanatory.


7. Baby oil. For myself more than the baby, since I bought a really small bottle to begin with and it's running out (didn't expect to use such copious amounts at this late stage).

Human Incubator

"I'm sweating like a pig!"

"You're incubating a baby; practically a walking incubator."

"..."

Checklist

Done this weekend in preparation for baby's arrival:

1. Bought bottle brush, disposable diapers and more baby clothes detergent.
2. Laundered cloth diapers and baby clothes.
3. Cleaned out set of unused drawers for baby stuff: diapers, clothes, towels, etc.
4. Received with gratitude baby bathtub and rocker/swing "baby sarong" contraption from parents.
5. Had a healthy meal of fish porridge chock full of dried sotong, scallops, peanuts, ginger and of course, fresh fish (although technically, this has nothing to do with preparation for the baby's arrival).
6. Organised stashing of baby stuff.
7. Watched "Birth Day" on Channel 77 and scared the living daylights out of self.

Week 29

Weight: 60kg
Belly: tight as a drum
Feeling: bloated as a whale

This week's worry after visit to the doc: toxoplasmosis. I could have sworn we mentioned to him that we have cats and even asked him about litter cleaning. I remember him telling Rizal that as long as I don't do litter, am fine.

When he saw me on Tuesday, he noticed the scar on my hand. When I told him it was a cat scratch, his face turned. "You have cats?" Oh dear. Was not good. Started to check my blood test results and realised we didn't test for toxoplasma. And at this point, there is nothing much we can do even if I do test and am found positive. If it were true, it's too late for abortion and the baby would have been infected. Great. So I read up all I could about toxoplasmosis and well, decided to do the test anyway the next day. Let's hope my IgM levels test negative. Fingers crossed.

I can see all of my belly button! It's getting shallower and wider by the day. Some time ago I realised that I really should clean it out before it goes on full view to the rest of world. I noticed a huge black spot in there and try as I might, I couldn't get it to scrub off. All I was doing was making the area around it redder and redder. So I stuck my finger in there and tried a bit of scratching. No luck either. Then I took a closer look; duh. Who in the world gets a mole in their belly button? It had to be me, of course.

Getting into bed, moving around in bed and getting out of bed is getting to be a chore. I have to roll myself onto my side and sort of generally roll up and out of bed. If I want to turn from my left side to the right, I'd have to roll onto my back first, with hands on belly and shift my entire weight from lying on my back to my right, all the while hanging on to the belly so I don't sprain a muscle. Ditto going from right to left.

While lathering the heels of my feet with lotion (did I mention anything about cracked heels? Will not even go there) lying in bed, I realised that the orange peel effect on my thighs are even more pronounced. Another legacy I'll have to live with.

Application of baby oil has also stepped up: all over the belly and now even the boobs. So far so good, no stretch marks in sight. We'll see if that's still the case a few weeks from now.

I'm starting to really waddle now.

I don't know if it's the lack of space in my bodily cavity or just the baby getting bigger. She seems to be moving a lot now. Or rather, I can feel a lot of her movements. She's a little dynamo; moves all the time. After meals, in bed, when I'm on the couch, when I'm sitting at the office, when I'm walking, driving. All. the. time. The movements range from little taps to severe jerks. There're knocks on the side of the belly, staccato raps lower down, sudden prods here and there; I'm running out of descriptions. Sometimes she just bumps faintly while turning, or so I think anyway.

My pelvic floor still feels like I've sat on the exercise bike for too long. I don't suppose that feeling will go away for a while. Maybe even after I explode. Do I really need to remember the years I toiled on those bikes at the gym?

My midnight or rather, wee hour morning cravings are coming back again. Lack of sleep is starting to become an issue. How does one go back to peaceful slumber after eating at 3am or 4am and then wake up refreshed before 7am? I for one, have no clue.

I'm also starting lose my brain cells. Memory loss is becoming more acute and all I can think of after a meal is sleep. I bought a succulent piece of cod while grocery shopping at Cold Storage last night. It cost me a whopping RM20. When I got home, I realised I'd left the cod at the checkout counter. Go figure.

Like I tell my friends, nyanyuk already.

Another one for Sophia

Here's another ode to Sophia from budding poet/singer-songwriter, dear friend Eve. This was written after I'd told her that Sophia must have enjoyed the extra flow of blood circulation during my foot massage.


Foot Massage

Tickle me timbre
Tickle me quick
Tickles when she giggles
Iggly, wiggly, hic!
I'll tumble, and she'll mumble
And I guess she's wondering why
But I love it when it tickles
Aye-aye-aye!

Copyright 2007 © Evelyn Heng

The Slow Ride to the Long Way Down

They say that having kids will deplete your financial resources and probably sink you into the depths of bankruptcy.

How true.

A few weeks ago, we splurged on a Peg Perego stroller + baby car seat combo package. Let's just say I could probably get an iPod Nano and more with the amount we forked over. We have yet to get the breast pumps, bottles, teats and other nursing paraphernalia that we will need later on. Since Rizal will be in Singapore during June, and those items are slightly cheaper across the causeway, we may just wait for the Great Singapore Sale to kick off then before we buy anything related to bottles and teats and pumps.

Just today, we schlepped from one end of 1U - Jusco - to the other end - Parkson - just so we could take advantage of the sales at Parkson for some baby clothes. Not that there was much of a price discount. Would 10% be considered reasonable? We ended up with two pairs of Pigeon brand front-button-down t-shirts with pants and two pairs of booties + mittens, the sum amount of which came up to about RM55. That's just two pairs each. I refrained from buying any other items because I know for a fact that the Parkson at Subang Parade has a 50% discount on some Anakku garments which I could possibly live with putting on my child.

Of course, she will have to alternate between blue and pink items. In this day and age, they still produce items of clothing in stereotypical blue or pink. You'd think that baby garment manufacturers would wise up and just make clothes in multi-gender colours like green or yellow or white. Well, actually they do. It's probably because parents are wising up and buying clothes in these colours that they have to heavily discount the ubiquitous pink and blue items.

So it will be back to Subang Parade to buy a piece each of blue and pink shirts at a bargain RM5 -RM6 per piece. Two for the price of one!!

I am all for bargains. After all, we haven't even gone into the kid's education fund yet. What about further follow-up visits to the paediatrician and other important things in life we will have to spend on her? And the other kids?

God help us all.

Left out of the Loop

"Have you checked in to the hospital yet?"

"No..."

"Are you in the hospital?"

"No!"

"Have you left the hospital yet?"

"No...oi! Am not due till end July la!"

"How was I supposed to know? You are supposed to tell your friends about developments like these! I suppose I would have had to find out from someone else AFTER you'd popped."

"Err...sorry. I was going to look you up if I'd driven to Penang as planned over the weekend! Swear!"

"Right."

Baby Explosion (II)

Like I said, there has been a spate of babies born recently. I checked with a prenatal yoga instructor just today about taking classes and she told me that classes have been cancelled. The batch of ladies who were taking classes with her have all just gone to give birth. Argh! All at once? Talk about synchronising our moon cycles!

Unless she can get a minimum of two students to form a class, it looks like I'm out for this too. Sigh...in any case, she will keep me posted.

Oh, and Natasha, the yoga instructor? She's preggers too!

Baby explosion

There has been a spate of babies born lately. An ex-colleague had a C-section about two months ago, hubby's friend across the street gave birth on the 19th and another friend's wife is due anytime now, and most recently a friend of mine popped out a baby girl this morning.

Oh, and another mutual friend all the way in the US is expecting about the same time as I am.

I am surrounded by exploding mamas. Talk about a bumper year for babies.

Today is not a smooth day. Some issues at work that I've not been able to resolve and am yet to wrap up. But I just don't feel like I have the energy. Am bloated as a dead corpse on the side of the road (think roadkill) and I feel like I've been on the exercise bike for too long; my pelvic bones are killing me when I walk: I look like I've got something major stuck up my ass.

I spent the better part of the late morning sending out text messages to people telling them I've changed my Celcom line to Maxis. I will miss my Celcom number but we have to be pragmatic here: 90% of the people I contact use Maxis and where cost savings can be achieved, we must move towards the healthier bottomline, favourite number be damned. Oh well...a minor change in a year full of bigger changes.

It's also a quiet day as banks, government offices and most MNCs are off for the Agong's installation. My sales team is probably having teh tarik somewhere after their meagre two appointments for the day. The tech specialist is still testing out that unit I need sent out to the client tomorrow. And I am ... sleeeeeeeepyyyyy...

Who will she look like?

As my belly gets bigger and the impending date looms closer, I can't help but wonder what kind of baby Sophia will turn out to be. More immediately, what she will look like and who she will resemble in character.

I hope she:

1. Looks like her father, has his eyes, features and abundant hair (as her crowning glory, preferably, everywhere else can take after the Chinese blood and be less hairy).

2. Inherits her father's intelligence and patience.

3. Has my resilience and a generally high threshold for pain.

4. Is healthy, of course.

5. Learns to love our cats and animals in general, like her parents.

6. Has a dose of stubborness from me, but just a little.

7. Is a happy little bundle of joy.

Little Sophia

Here's what a dear friend wrote when I mentioned I'll be writing my Sophia a few lines:

Little Sophee
Floaty floaty
In her tummy
Like a bubble
In her bubble
Waiting to pop

Can you guess why I call her my dear friend?

If it weren't for the armrests on the chair, I'd be rolling and laughing uncontrollably on the floor, tears streaming down my face.

Week 26

The placenta is still low but doc is giving it time to "move up". By Week 34 or 36, we should know if I need a C-section.

The little tyke is doing fine. A tad on the tiny side (according to more "experienced" observers) but nevertheless, a clean bill of health was given by doc.

I'm feeling generally tired still, lack of continuous sleep being the main cause. Getting hunger pangs at inopportune times in the a.m. and the urge to pee about an hour or two before my alarm goes off is wreaking some sort of havoc on my sleep cycle.

She likes to move. She seems to either like to elbow, punch or kick me, depending on which side she's lying on or which direction she's actually in. I really can't tell. But she does have an affinity for movement on the left side of my bump. She loves to start up a fuss after I complete a meal, when I lie quietly in bed (doesn't matter which side I'm on: my left, right or on my back, she just goes at it), when I'm trying to stay still and keep still. She stops for longer periods when Rizal puts his palm on her. Still in the womb but already a daddy's girl? This is going to be one difficult child to raise; I can imagine wars fought and lost based on her running crying to daddy's side.

Bending down is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and difficult. I've resorted to squatting to get what I need. Walking for long stretches leaves me somewhat out of breath and my brain cells continue to be addled: I am sleepy a lot still. My hair and nails seem to be growing at fever pitch; I used to have to cut my nails at most, once a fortnight. Now I need to trim my nails once a week to ensure they are not mistaken for claws.

I've been told it generally gets worse. Another three months to go and I can't wait.

Big = Clumsy

Somehow the size of my belly has a direct corelation to how klutzy I can get. It seems as though the bigger I get, the clumsier I am. These days I find myself having to tread very carefully if I want to ensure safe passage throughout the day.

It amazes me that each day presents hazards which I've never faced before, the most common of which seems to be slipping: on thin air, on water, on talcum powder, on fur, on a slippery mat. The second most common hazard plaguing my days is of course, bumping the growing protrusion that is my belly into something.

So in addition to watching where I'm going to avoid bumping my belly uneccesarily, I have to watch what and where I step on. The smallest of irregularities can tip me off balance. It's more than a little alarming to think how much more imbalanced I could get in a few more months down the road.

I suppose as soon as I lose sight of my feet, I've got to attach a sort of CCTV on my underbelly to provide me with a better view of what's going on down there under my feet. But then again, who walks looking at their feet?

Bump goes the belly

Being pregnant should alert my body to the fact that I should be more careful with my physical self. Unfortunately, the signals don't seem to carry through to my limbs. So far I've bumped my belly into machine handles (binders at the office), corners of tables, corners of walls, and even into pillars.

By the time my girl pops out, she'd be lucky not to end up a klutz like me from all that jolting around or bear some physical reminder of just how much affinity her mom has for walking into things.

At this point in time, I can only tell myself and try to constantly, consciously remind myself to take it easy, walk slower and to look where I'm going.

My cup runneth over

The gang threw me a tiny surprise party on the night before my birthday. All four of them came over to the house with a cake. Small but essential numbers, that's how I like to keep them; few but valuable friends (wait, make that three since one of them is my sis).

And later that night, Rizal slipped on the stairs and dislocated his arm. Needless to say, it was a long night which segued into a tiring day. He was kept for observation and I clawed my way home and crept into bed at 5am. He was discharged later in the day and after lunch and errands, we both crashed on the couch when we got home.

Growing older requires some introspection, especially now I'm in the stage of my life where the next big change will be THE NEXT BIG CHANGE. Given that in another few months my life will be thrown upside down by the anticipated arrival, I would like to think my journey so far has been but a taste of what is yet to come.

No one really knows what life will throw at you even when you plan well ahead. I'm no planner and even then I'm usually surprised. But I prefer to err on this side of positive. What other better way is there to take life than by its horns and failing which, to just stare it straight in the eye and say, "Come on, give me all you've got. I know I can take it."

And so saying, I realise that my boobs have run ahead of me again: my cup has runneth over. Go on, gimme all you've got. Go to a D if you want to, I can take the sagging and the engorgement. It's time to go bra shopping once again.

Hurray for the small pleasures in life.