Discontent

Today is not a good day. It’s not the Monday blues. It’s more serious than that.

I feel as if I’m being buffeted by strong winds pulling and pushing me in any which direction. I can’t make up my mind to go here or there, for that matter I’m not sure which direction I want to go. I feel somewhat drained. I feel disillusioned. I feel like giving up. I feel unhappy. In general, I feel pretty much like shit.

And I am not sure why. I just feel … discontent. I am not upset, I am not angry, just discontent. Making up my mind about what I feel discontent about or why seems to be more difficult than I thought.

I always say that you have a choice. But I think deep down I believe it’s easier to believe you don’t have a choice rather than to have to make up your mind about difficult decisions or difficult choices. That’s the lazy person’s way out: not having to think about things. And I am my Number One lazy person on my list.

So yes, I’m unhappy but I’m still trying to find out why.