Crossroads

There are times in your life when you arrive at a crossroads or turning point. When you do, the decision to move in the right direction or the direction that feels best to you can present you with a dilemma. Making that decision is hardly tough beans. It’s the process of arriving at the decision: finding out all you can, weighing all possibilities and taking into consideration everything that you know that causes those sleepless nights.

My crossroads presented itself to me a few weeks ago. It was a bit of a surprise because the road had been more or less straight so far. There were signs along the way that there would be a turning point somewhere ahead but the sheer depth and breadth of that turning point took me completely by surprise. We’re talking about tornados-happening-in-Malaysia kind of surprise.

Nevertheless, I was there, at the crossroads, with the traffic whizzing past in all directions and I’m rooted to the spot not only by indecision and uncertainty but by a whole host of other emotions. If you’ve ever been to Tokyo and stood at one of those massively crowded crossings, say at Shibuya, where once the light turns green, pedestrians from every corner of that crossroads start to move as a wave and converge and cross each other from every which direction, you’d know what it feels like to stand there and not know which direction to head. The noise is deafening, the roar and energy of people trying to get to their destination; the sheer force of directional pulls can be overwhelming. You’d better know which direction you’re headed because if you don’t, you’ll not only get lost but you’ll get swept up by whichever current is the strongest and you’ll find yourself planted on one end of the street when all the while you wanted to go the opposite end.

You could stand there and take your time to decide till the cows come home. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to make a decision. And the longer you stand there, the more the external factors around you will act as further impetus for your movement. Not only will you have to contend with making the decision based on your own internal compass, everything around you serves to influence your decision. And the longer you wait to decide, the louder that noise becomes.

So I decided. On gut feeling. The heart is too emotional and the mind is too rational. My gut feeling is usually a clear balance between the two. I don’t know how I know, I just do, and that’s the beauty of relying on gut feeling. You just KNOW. And so I plunged in.

Was it a good decision? I don’t know. Was it the right decision? I don’t know either, only time will tell. I don’t believe in right and wrong decisions in matters of life. But it felt like the best decision to make at the time and it was a decision I felt I could live with. It’s a decision I feel I can live with and in time find enough satisfaction in. Like I said, only time will tell. And I can’t be too worried about what will happen in the future either, I can only do so much for now in order to prepare for a better future.

I believe in moving forward in life. Whatever may have happened in the past that could have shaped our way forward is immaterial. The point is, we are already here, and not to move forward would be taking a step back or coming to a standstill; you can only keep doing the two for so long before you let the past take you over or let the present close your eyes to what the future can offer.

I do believe that things always work themselves out. Sometimes it may not seem that way or we may not be able to see it, or it may just take longer to show around the corner. But whatever the outcome, it is what you make of it and what you take away from it that matters.