I wonder what would happen if I threw a fit?

Being out of sorts seems to be my mental and physical state lately. Things hardly seem to go according to plan. Work is draining and I feel like I’m in a cesspool of mediocrity compounded by my feeling of being lost and directionless.

In three days I fly to Birmingham to try to close a deal which should have been a given a few months back. Due to a lack of communication and indecisiveness on the management’s part and the lack of focus on my part, it has now spiraled somewhat out of control. Let’s just hope I can salvage the situation before the shit hits the fan. Actually, the shit has already hit the fan, I’m just trying to prevent it from getting everywhere.

My mental state is drawn thin as a diaphanous membrane. Everything gets on my nerves and it takes the littlest thing to make me blow. I hope I can rein it under control in time to get the job done in Birmingham. My physical state is worse for the wear; my body seems to be rallying with my mind. Oh, you feel tired? Here, lets all of us arms, legs, limbs, eyes and the rest of us keep you company, my body tells my mind.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been interviewing for marketing people. It’s been a tiring process not only because interviewing takes a lot out of your psyche, but the candidates are below par. Even scanning their resumes online gives me the shivers: the generation today knows no loyalty. The average time spent at a company is about 1.5 years. It is not an encouraging trend for employers. One of my financial clients told me that they used to send their new graduates overseas for training the moment they got them in. The moment those graduates returned, they’d jump ship. So the company got smarter: they only send graduates who have served about a year or two at the company. They find that these graduates are more likely to stay after their training stint overseas.

I draw a parallel to this story with my sis. She’s been with two companies in about 2-3 years. And she can’t wait to leave the current company she’s with. Compare that with another friend and myself who were fool enough to take up the responsibility of helping run the family business. We’re both stuck for good, lock, stock and smoking barrel. We earn less than what the market pays, we have problems getting along with the parental units because of work, and we’ve realized it’s a grave we’ve dug ourselves in. It’s never-ending and we’ve got to learn to suck it all in. Some days it’s easier, other days, well…we have to deal with shit hitting the fan, fat ladies singing, and old dogs learning new tricks all at the same time.

Which all has a bearing on my mental state. I feel so exhausted. I really must find the energy and work up the stamina to go for the long run. Five years ago I told myself I’d give myself five years. Today, I’m still telling myself I’ll give myself another five years. I must make that five years a reality.