A major step backward, a tentative foot forward

Yesterday I did what I swore I wouldn’t do: I lost my temper. Not once but twice! In a day. In one meeting. It was very unprofessional.

I’d never realized how difficult it is to try and control my temper until I actually tried to do it. It’s like keeping a raging, foaming-at-the-mouth, totally out of control beast caged in. I failed utterly and miserably.

I blew up at my consultant because I didn’t listen and felt that she was questioning the integrity of my work. I blew up at my HR head because she overstepped her bounds and interfered unnecessarily with my department. It was a day of major spewing. I was the raging beast foaming at the mouth.

I was not proud of myself. Suffice to say I felt like the algae in the darkest parts of the longkang that never glimpse even the shadow of the sun.

I apologized to all parties involved, including the chairman for my utterly unprofessional conduct. And vowed to myself not to do this again.