Torture

Here's a thought:

I'm thinking of subjecting some poor mortal to the torture of giving me a foot massage; me and my two footsies complete with cracked heels, scaly hard soles, sandpaperish skin and mis-shapen toe nails.

Brrrr...I pity the poor soul.

Note: a friend once confessed to me I've got one of the most horrendous set of toenails he'd ever seen: they're short, stubby and fat plus some of them have turned black from the number of times I've stubbed them on furniture legs.